👥 How to Write Parental Figures Who Aren’t Perfect

Because not every mentor, guardian, or parent gets it right — and that’s where the story lives.

In so many stories, parental figures are painted in black and white: the endlessly loving mother, the tyrannical father, the selfless mentor who always knows what to say.

But real life — and great fiction — lives in the grey.

What about the parental figures who are neither heroes nor villains?

The ones who love deeply but make mistakes just as deeply?

The ones whose care comes tangled with fear, control, silence, or regret?

The guardian who wants to protect, but ends up smothering. The father who adores his child, but doesn’t know how to show it without taking control. The foster parent who craves connection but doesn’t know how to build trust. The mentor who teaches important lessons — but at the cost of emotional distance.

These are the characters that linger.

Not because they were perfect, but because they were recognizable.

Because they felt real.

So how do you write a parental figure who isn’t perfect — but still matters?

Let’s break it down.

👣 1. Start With Their Wounds — Not Their Wisdom

We often meet parental figures at the moment they begin guiding or caring for the protagonist.

But before they were protectors, they were people.

To make them feel three-dimensional, start by asking:

• Who were they before they became parents, mentors, or guardians?

• What shaped their views on love, responsibility, and failure?

• What pain have they never processed — and how does it bleed into their parenting?

• What patterns are they unconsciously repeating from their own upbringing?

📚 Think of Marilla Cuthbert in Anne of Green Gables — stern, emotionally closed-off, and often critical. And yet, beneath that exterior is a woman shaped by years of responsibility, loss, and quiet resilience.

The truth is: many parental figures are doing their best with the tools they have — even if those tools are flawed or incomplete.

⚖️ 2. Give Them a Powerful Contradiction

One of the fastest ways to make a character feel real is to let them contain opposites.

A great parental figure might be:

• Fiercely loyal, but incapable of emotional intimacy.

• Deeply wise in some areas — and painfully naive in others.

• Brave for others, but terrified of their own past.

• Loving, but so afraid to lose that they end up pushing their child away.

✨ These contradictions aren’t failures in storytelling — they’re proof of humanity.

We don’t remember characters who are perfect.

We remember the ones who tried, stumbled, hurt, apologized — or didn’t.

The ones whose love wasn’t easy, but still meant something.

💔 3. Let Their Flaws Create Real Tension

Parental love doesn’t prevent conflict. Sometimes, it creates it.

A well-meaning guardian can hold the protagonist back out of fear, never realizing how much they’re dimming their light.

A parent may pressure their child to succeed in ways that reflect their own unfulfilled dreams.

A mentor may be too harsh, too distant, or too afraid to let go.

These flaws are fertile ground for tension — not because the character is cruel, but because they care too much in the wrong way.

“I know they love me. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt me.” “I want to forgive them. But I’m not ready.”

Those are the kinds of truths that make relationships in fiction feel heartbreakingly real.

🧨 4. Let the Relationship Change Over Time

No relationship — especially one this layered — should remain frozen in place.

As your protagonist grows, so should the dynamic.

Maybe what once felt like protection begins to feel like control.

Maybe distance becomes a wound too deep to ignore.

Maybe, just maybe, healing begins in the smallest, quietest moments.

Let the change be gradual. Let it be messy. Let it be earned.

💡 Even a single shift — a shared look, a long-overdue apology, a realization left unsaid — can move the relationship into new emotional territory.

Because growth isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes, it’s just someone finally saying, “I see you now. And I’m trying.”

✍️ Prompts to Explore Complex Parental Figures

Use these questions to dig deeper into the emotional roots of your character:

• What topic do they avoid at all costs — and why?

• What part of the protagonist’s spirit do they secretly envy or fear?

• What moment from their own past shaped the way they love now?

• What do they regret most — and why haven’t they apologized?

• If they could go back and do one thing differently, what would it be?

These aren’t just prompts — they’re invitations to write parents and mentors who feel like people, not archetypes.

💬 Your Turn How to Write Parental Figures

Who’s your favorite flawed parental figure in fiction — the one who felt so real, it hurt?

Or maybe you’re writing one now?

Just remember:

A perfect parent may comfort the reader. But an imperfect one — who still loves, still fails, still tries — that’s where the heart of your story truly beats.

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